Recent grad starts at very bottom*

EUGENE—A recent graduate of the University of Oregon is on the loose in Tracktown, USA according to friends and family, but nobody knows exactly where he is.

Stephen Robert Miller, 22, earned at degree in Creative Advertising in June and finished the last of his required classes over the summer. He also wrapped up a stint at the Oregon Daily Emerald student newspaper. But after that, Miller vanished.

"I think I've seen him a few times at the bars, said Nichole Blake, a former Duck and Miller's high school prom date," but he hasn't shown up in any pictures. He was always a little camera shy."

Miller's disaapearance has instilled fear in the individuals and institutions he has been involved with recently, as he was somewhat notorious for his mooching habits.

"He knows he can come home at any time," said his mother Virginia Miller, "but he doesn't want to lose his coolness factor from being independent, and I'm afraid that he's going to take advantage of his friends."

Viriginia said her son no longer has medical insurance, and she is worried that he will develop a heavy flem buildup in his throat or a severe papercut.

"I know he'll be looking to borrow nail-clippers and toilet paper," said Virginia. "Well, he won't be borrowing the T.P., he'll be using it."

University officials recently tracked Miller using the student tennis center and a computer lab in the School of Journalism. They are telling campus-area residents to stash all blank printer paper and to not leave pitchers of beer unattended.

The campus computing center believes Miller is using the login name "Cantaloupe Eyes" for instant messanger and E-mail.

Although this may break the inverted triangle format, Miller is 5-foot-11 with shaggy brown hair and chubby cheeks.

An anonymous source with the first initial "A" and the very uncommon last name "Lucich" said Miller had lived in three different locations over the summer, and at one time shared a room with him briefly. The source thinks Miller is living in a friend's basement trying to finish his portfolio.

"We have one of the only student houses with a basement, but I don't think he's living here," Blake said. "Oh wait, he is."

Miller is expected to visit his parents shortly before relocating to trim his finger nails, snatch a roll of toilet paper, collect any misdirected mail and eat one last free meal.

*Based on true events.